From our business correspondent Will Fairplay. Several world leaders have been shaken by recent announcements that the old adage 'there is no such thing as a free lunch' may no longer ring true.
If this is the case, they fear for the stability of world economy. Analysts have talk talked about the equivalent of Black Monday, the Stock Exchange collapse in 1987. This time they are predicting it will be called orange sundae, named after the shade of blood orange red that many business leaders are predicted to turn as events unfold.
The underlying cause behind this is claims of apparently free internet services. Whilst it might seem good news for the consumer, analysts question the reality and commercial wisdom of this proposition. In the corridors of analysis they can be heard muttering phrases like 'smoke and mirrors' and 'what quality of service is free?'.
One can only wonder for the poor shareholders of the demagogue corporates who feel driven to give away their products. Shares are predicted to go in one direction, and those that think they will sky rocket will be disappointed.
All this bids doom and gloom under a murky sky as storm clouds gather. How soon will we talk talk about orange sundae?
FREE BROADBAND FACT OR FICTION
It would be easy to imagine that the recent rush of free internet services has been welcomed by university and college students throughout the land.
Not all students have the deep pockets of our affluent aristocracy and nobility though. You might expect our impoverished and debt laden undergraduates (and their hard up tutors) to crave anything free, especially if it was a lifeblood product such as an alcoholic beverage.
But a recent survey conducted among university students has revealed unexpected results. Asked about free broadband, nine out of ten students said they would rather have freedom than free (the tenth student didn't understand the question and said 'I like drum and bass bands man, what's this broad band?'
The survey revealed students would rather have freedom from long contracts, freedom from download limits, freedom from ties to other products and services, and freedom from worrying about being unable to pay unexpected or hidden charges.
But, as one student commented, 'who would be astute enough to squeeze together such a sensible good value deal?'
JUST VICARS?
A stabilising and healthy influence in our 'something for nothing' society may be just over the horizon in the quaint peaceful seaside town of Bournemouth. Renowned as the retirement town of the clergy, it is now being vaunted as the centre of refreshing new thinking about what is good. The focus of this thinking is the wellbeing of university and college students.
Deep in the heart of the town, Nice People have been squeezing together a new blend of Citrus goodness for the benefit of students, and the juices are just about to flow. A spokesman for the Nice People said 'our new products will be available from Fresher's Week. They are fullofjuice (dotcom) and they reflect our refreshing thinking'.
So, it would seem there is more to Bournemouth than vicars and tea dances, after all.
IS A LEMMING FART A MAJOR ECOLOGICAL THREAT?
It's not gas guzzling 4x4's that are the biggest threat to the balance of ecology. Some experts think lemming flatulence has an even greater impact.
For years scientists have warned the biggest cause of global warming is methane from the farts of sheep and their bovine cousins.
But now lemmings are under fire and thought to have a significant effect with their posterior indiscretions.
Further research is needed, but one eminent expert thinks the cure lies with dietary change. He said 'If lemmings change to a refreshing zesty citrus diet, freshly squeezed, it has an immediate impact on their wellbeing. It improves their download ability and gives better throughput, thereby expelling unwanted packages. It improves API (Avian Posterior Indiscretion). The lemmings feel far better for it'. The biggest challenge now it seems is an awareness program to help lemmings adopt a squeezed citrus diet.
NOTHING IS EVER FREE
